Ultrasound #2

   On Friday, mom and I went to my second doctor's appointment, which was my first appointment with Dr. Kirk Brody.  I will go ahead and say that I absolutely loved this doctor, and I left my appointment even more excited than when I walked in (which I could not say about my previous appointment).  First off, I get an ultrasound every visit (and no, he only bills for the three insurance will cover)!  So I was so excited that I not only got to hear BB's heartbeat, but I also got to see our baby again!  This time, BB was moving and grooving!  Arms and legs, hands and feet were moving around everywhere, and it was hard to believe that all that movement was going on inside me and I felt nothing!  BB's heart rate was 170 (which is high; last time, the heart rate was 155).  Old wise tales would say that a high heart rate indicates a girl, but we will see how true this is in a few weeks!  In four weeks, we should be able to know if we have a little baby girl or little baby boy!  All this seems to be happening so fast!

BB is looking right at us!  

Growing baby!

During the ultrasound, I could see BB's hands and feet, but this is the clearest picture we got of them. 

Shopping This Week

Miss Kim hit again with a precious gift!  This newborn onesie is perfect!! 

We made a trip to Sportsmen's Warehouse for boots.  BJ is holding one acceptable item and one unacceptable item.  You can guess which is which!! (Hint: I discussed the difference between a farm girl/farm boy and camo.) 

This is the only thing I have bought for BB!! Snack cups from the Dollar Tree!

 

My Heart's Journey- From June 2011 till Now

     For several months, I have wrestled with the idea of sharing the inner workings of my heart.  While I am not an extremely private person, I believe that there are some things that a person should keep to themselves, and I have often thought that maybe these feelings/thoughts should be kept private.  But the more my heart understands, the more I feel that these lessons were not meant to hidden.  By sharing this personal and emotional journey of my heart, I am proving to myself and others that "...all things work for the good of those who love Him..." (Romans 8:28).  And finally, I know that keeping this to myself is no longer an option for no other reason but that I only sit here with a joyful heart because of the shared experiences of others.  I want to mention that Where's God When It Hurts? by Philip Yancey is a great book to study if you are struggling with any type of suffering (physical or emotional).  

Noah's Shower- 2007

     On June 4, 2011, Annie, one of my best friends, made her entrance into heaven.  She was a mother of two, a wife, a sister, an aunt, a cousin, and a true friend.  Since 7th grade, I have called her a best friend, and Annie, Kim, and I never lost touch, always making the effort to see each other often.  I could literally go on for days and days about how precious she was to everyone who knew her (in fact, I have devoted an entire blog to remembering all the wonderful things about her), but the fact is, no matter how much we loved her, she was taken from us in one of the worst ways imaginable. She died as a result of the actions of another irresponsible person.  

     With a heart completely broken in a way I have never experienced before, my emotions ranged between rage, sorrow, and grief, but after several months, I was unable to overcome my anger at God.  No matter what I had learned about God or known of Him in the past, I felt that for the first time in my life, I was dealing with a God I didn't know.  I knew God was in control, and this fact only fueled my anger; in my heart, I felt that since God was in control, He should have done something to stop this from happening.  I know God is a loving God, but I could not understand how a loving God could allow a precious mother to be ripped away from her boys, leaving them to grow up without her in their lives.  I refused to find comfort from a God I questioned, I refused to worship a God who takes away, and I refused to speak to a God who allowed boys to grow up without a mother.

      Even though my heart was bursting with anger, I didn't want to voice these emotions for fear that my own doubts and rage would lead others astray.  Of course, this only hardened my heart even more, and at times, life seemed so unbearable.  This anger seeped into all aspects of my life, and there were many days that I found it difficult to get out of bed and face another day. 

     I hate to regurgitate meaningless phrases that are repeated only to have something to say, but in an unexplainable way, time did allow my heart to begin to heal, each day crying fewer tears and my mind being less consumed with loss.  But my anger was still present, and on April 8^th, I wrote in my journal “The Lord is all powerful; there is nothing beyond Him.  He has raised from the dead before.  Is it foolish to hope for this miracle now?  Will I only be disappointed, or is this simply a question of faith?”  As I wrote this, I knew how foolish I sounded, but I was trying to find a balance between faith and reality.  I knew God would not bring Annie back, but if this would never happen, then why did He ask for me to trust Him in all things?  I got my answer later that night. The next day I wrote:

“The Answer (as I was falling asleep):  It is not foolish, and God does most definitely have that power. BUT God does not act on my will, and this is why this won’t happen.  This all happened according to HIS will, and He will not undo it.  That would mean He made a mistake, which is impossible.  AND He loves her just as much as He loves me.  He would NEVER play games with her life in order to discipline me.”

Looking back now, this night was a break-through, the first point that I willingly allowed God to speak to me, to comfort me since June 2011.  I began reading Where's God When It Hurts? by Philip Yancey, which I had purchased several months before.  On April 21^st, I wrote:

“My understanding @ this point:

·      You didn’t cause this to happen. You didn’t allow this to happen.

·      We live in a world filled with sin because of human freedom (choice).

·      This world does not work in a way that pleases God (You).  The Bible states that You have placed a “condemned” sign on this planet. 

·      You hurt to see us hurt.  And You love her and were happy to see her enter into heaven.

·      I don’t need to focus on why this happened but how I will respond.

Pg. 111- ‘Where is God when it hurts? He is in us—not in the things that hurt- helping to transform bad into good.  We can safely say that God can bring good out of evil; we cannot say that God brings about evil in hopes of producing good.’ You did not plan for this to happen but You knew it would happen.”

     Do I understand why Annie left us so early? Do I see all good that God is working in this situation? No.  But I have decided that I will allow God to make good in me through this.  I will allow my heart, soul, and faith to be strengthened, and I will personally know of the Loving God I had knew before.  I will believe that God is good all the time, through the good and bad.  I will believe that God is worthy not because of the good things He does but simply because of Who He is. 

     

    And as of July 1, 2012, I see that there is most definitely good in the world.  Baby Belue was not a part of our plan, but BB is a part of an even better plan, orchestrated by a Loving and All-Knowing God.  There couldn’t be a more wonderful thought than knowing you were God’s plan!  God is Love.  I see God’s love in this baby growing in my womb and in the love of my family and friends. I am excited about this good news!  God is developing us into parents, who will guide our child towards the good in this world.  And I can truly believe, no matter the sin and evil in this world, that "...all things work for the good of those who love Him..." (Romans 8:28).  

Bless the Lord, oh my soul, bless the Lord!  

While You Were Growing.....

   BJ and I have been so busy these last few weeks, and many of you were worried about not receiving any email updates.  But never fear, we are still here! :)  Even though I still have two weeks before I go back to work officially, I have been in my classroom, working away, and I am glad to say that my room is almost Open House ready!  (By the way, thanks goes out to Mama and Amanda for helping me a few weeks back!) BJ has been working almost all day and night these last few days.  Let me say how much I looove having a husband who is missing the lazy bones!  At the rate he's going this week, we will have BB's college/gold medal fund built up in no time!
    I go back for my second doctor's appointment on Friday.  After feeling uneasy at the conclusion of my first doctor's appointment (with a midwife), we decided to switch doctors and practices.  I will now be seeing Dr. Kirk Brody at OBGYN Centre of Excellence.  I had heard many good things about him, and we felt we would both be more comfortable with this switch.  I should hear BB's heartbeat this time, and I am going to ask about when I will know if BB is a little girl or little boy.
    We do have a new name (for the week), but we aren't really sharing it at this point.  I feel like the more I repeat a name, the less I like it.  So, we're trying out only repeating the name to ourselves.  (It's another girl name, btw.)
    And for the sake of having a picture (which I feel like makes a post complete), here is another Pinterest find that makes me smile! :)

I hope we find out boy/girl before Halloween so I can wear this! 

Planning for Halloween- 14 Months Early

      Even though BB's first Halloween is still a long ways away, I cannot help but browse through costumes on Pinterest!  I love Halloween, and even though BJ's not big on dressing up, I have found several daddy/baby costumes that I hope he will agree to; if not, I guess it will be mommy/baby costumes!  (I've got 14 months to convince him!)

We Love Skippyjon Jones!

     Several years ago when I worked and subbed in elementary schools, I came across Skippyjon Jones, and I fell in love!!  Skippy is a Siamese cat who believes he is a Chihuahua.  Using his imagination, he travels all over the world (and out of this world).  The book contains rhyming, singing, clapping, and Spanish vocabulary. And so when I saw that the most recent Kolh's Cares books were Skippy books, I went out and brought them all for BB!  And Grandmother Kelley found a Skippyjon stuffed animal!

BB with Skippyjon Jones- Thanks, Grandmother!

Mommy-to-Bee Pinterest Finds

    So I know I'm not allowed to plan my own shower, but I found this on Pinterest and had to share! This would be such a cute theme, for a little boy or girl!  And since reading the book The Secret Life of Bees, I am head over heals in love with bees!  (I have asked BJ for bee hives, but it hasn't happened YET!)

Some other "must have" Pinterest finds:

I want one too!

Other Mommie-to-BEE things from Pinterest

  

     

I'm declaring it official!

     After a week and two days, I am declaring my morning sickness gone!!! Beginning at week 6, I was sick as a dog all day long!  I couldn't eat, wasn't sleeping well, and the only thing I could do without feeling nauseous was browse Pinterest (which I love anyway).


    I tried saltine crackers, vanilla wafers, Sprite, Preggie Pop Drops (don't waste your money), pressure point bracelets, and just about anything else anyone suggested. Finally, it was a Facebook wall post made by Meg and a funny little blog called the Pregnant Chicken that brought me some relief.  Sour Patch Kids!!!!  It must have been the combination of sour, sweet, and gummy! And now, the nausea has passed, and there is no longer a need for any remedies!  I can now begin seeing the happy side of pregnancy (or so I hope)!

Grandmother's Message to BB

Kelley Grandparents with BB- July 2012

Our little grandbaby Belue,
     We can't wait to hold you!  Everyone tells us how wonderful it is to be grandparents, and I know that will be true when you get here!  We are so happy for your parents, and your granddaddy and I think you are just what they needed.  God has sent you to us and we pray that we will be a good influence on you as you grow.  Just wait until you hear some of the stories we can tell about your mother when she was a child!  We are going to have some terrific times together!